Christmas Tea
by elle.writes
Summary: If you weren't able to smile during Christmas, then when were you able to? Eren struggles with giving Levi an acceptable Christmas gift, hoping to cheer him up during this nostalgic holiday. Levi x Eren, Christmas fluff.


**Pairings/Warnings:** Levi x Eren, uncomfortable amounts of sap, fluff, and other stuff I don't typically write. ;-P Also, this has no definite timeline in the series.

**Author's Notes:** This little ficcie was done for the lovely Suika's birthday! Only seems fitting as she pretty much indoctrinated me into this pairing before I even watched the show. ;-P But she is an amazing artist and great friend and I hope she has an absolutely wonderful birthday! :D

Beta'd by the awesome Miss Murdered, with special thanks for beta'ing outside her fandoms. Woo! ^^!

* * *

Eren stared at the little lacquered box in his hands. Even tied with a red ribbon, it still felt a paltry offering but this was it, there was nothing else he had to give. He watched the snow falling heavy outside the large, multi-paned windows and took a deep breath. It all felt stupid now, but when he thought of the heaviness in Levi's eyes, the burden he carried he knew he had to try.

It was always his intention to try to get something for Levi for Christmas. Despite everything, Christmas at least still had a sentimentalism to him that he couldn't escape. Especially after Mikasa came to live with them – it was one of the only times his sister had seemed truly happy. And his mother... it was her favorite time of year. She would decorate the house in pine boughs and ribbon, lighting candles she had diligently saved through the rest of the year every night so that the whole house glowed. And she would bake cookies and sweets, sing old carols about snow and warmth, and everything she did just made the whole month seem special and perfect.

But none of that warmth ever seemed to reach Captain Levi's eyes. It bothered him – immensely. And it wasn't that Eren didn't understand – because he did. It was difficult to be optimistic after everything he had been through, let alone Levi, but still. If you weren't able to smile during Christmas, then when were you able to? He felt bothered by the notion that Levi must never smile – even though he knew he shouldn't worry over it.

So just like his mother, he had begun saving his tea rations. It was a stupid thing, he was well aware of that – even more so now as he held the collected tea in his hands. But it was the only thing he had within his control to give to his Captain. And he saw how Levi prized tea, extended its life as long as possible, watering it down until it must've been weak, perhaps nothing but hot water by the end of the day, but he would never ask for anything more than what he was given. And so for twenty-five days Eren went without, sharing with Mikasa a little, but mostly hoarding it in this little mahogany box with the wings of freedom inlaid in the top, found while cleaning the castle. It had seemed appropriate.

He had bargained with Hanji for some cinnamon sticks and had laid them over the top and he could smell them even through the box. The smell made him ache as he remembered how she had guessed his intention and then made everything worse when she confided in him that it was also Levi's birthday. The face he made upon that discovery had her laughing and he knew he was caught. He now knew his gift of hoarded tea was even more inferior than it had been on its own when it was just Christmas he'd had to prepare something for. Yet Hanji laid her hand over his and squeezed it tight, lovingly, almost the way his mother would have.

"You wouldn't be the first person to have a crush on your esteemed Captain," she teased with a knowing wink and he had been horrified, unable to speak, unable to defend himself against an accusation that had never even crossed his mind up until that point. A crush? He was a full-fledged member of the Survey Corps – not a sniveling little girl.

But she was right. He knew she was with a sinking feeling in his gut as he stared at the box, thumbing the slick inlay and sighing out the breath he'd held, the warmth of it fogging the cool glass of the window in front of him. It was a crush – the worst kind of crush. A teenage kind of crush full of puppy-love and firsts and breaths-caught-in-your-chest until it hurt. The kind of crush that snuck up on you and took you completely unaware until you were in so deep you couldn't escape. The kind of crush that made you want to do anything just to see the other person smile, to see them happy and at peace.

The kind of crush that was completely and utterly hopeless. Because Levi was his Captain and he was unattainable. It didn't matter what he did, how many times he might have saved him, any kindness he had shown him – it was strictly professional and Levi would do exactly the same for any member of his team.

But it was inescapable. He couldn't help it. Levi was phenomenal, more than an inspiration, more than everything he wanted to be. Instead, he wanted to be his equal, to stand and fight with him, to defeat the titans, this thing within himself, to win back their home and be able to go outside the walls and not fear and not die. And he wanted – he wanted...

He wanted to kiss him. Even the quiet confession inside his own head made him feel sick to his stomach but... but it was the truth. He wanted to kiss him, to hold him, to brush the hair back from his face and look into his eyes and just hold him until he could smile again. Damn, but it was stupid. What would Captain Levi want with a dumb kid like him?

Eren hated the way his fingers trembled on the box and he distracted himself by watching Sasha, Connie, and Armin attempting to roll snow. It made him feel even stupider, even younger, that the new members of his team were building snowmen while all the veterans were still working. Yes, it was Christmas, but he was beginning to realize that he was an adult now and things like Christmas – they weren't for him.

For a moment he contemplated just ditching the box. Maybe setting it inside the cafeteria where someone could use it for everyone's benefit. It was only a testament to his naivety and obvious youth that he had attempted to get Levi something at all. After all, no one gave each other gifts any more, that was a tradition long abandoned after so many years of rations and difficult times.

But then... it was Christmas. And it was Levi's birthday. And he'd worked hard to save all this tea. And Hanji didn't laugh at him when he'd eventually managed to divulge his plan. She might've known Levi better than anyone and she just smiled and gave him the cinnamon without a second thought, asking for nothing in return although he'd been prepared to give it, when she had no obligation to help him. Maybe she wanted to see Levi get a gift too. Maybe she had been honored to help.

Eren steeled himself with those thoughts and turned from the window, listening to the sound of his boots echo through the empty hallway like some kind of perverse funeral march as he headed to Levi's office. He had little hope that Levi wasn't there, though that would be the best outcome. Perhaps he had gotten up to stretch or talk to Hanji or Erwin or something and Eren could just set the box on his desk and leave without having to give it to him directly... But any hope of that was quickly extinguished when he noted the way the door was cracked, the sound of pen against paper able to be heard even in the hall.

He paused outside the door, looking at the box again, feeling stupid again and considering turning around, again, and saving them both the humiliation of this encounter. But Levi must've heard him approach because he cleared his throat and called for him to come in.

If asked, Eren wouldn't have been able to tell you how exactly his rebel feet managed of their own accord to walk and enter Levi's office. Mentally, he'd had no intention of it, thought he might just turn and run away before Levi had a chance to get up from his desk and see who was there. But instead he was standing there, before his Captain's desk, watching as his pen scratched against the paper, hand dipping into the ink in rhythmic motions before he tore and wasted the delicate material, sunlight streaming in and illuminating his back so that he nearly glowed.

And then Levi lifted his head to look directly at him, hair a bit disheveled, as though he had been raking it in frustration, and his eyes seemed particularly distant as they stared dispassionately at him, Eren cursing himself as he was clearly irritated by the disruption.

"Yes?"

Eren swallowed hard at the singular word, bowing his head a little in apology. His heart was slamming in his chest and his mouth suddenly felt too dry to form words as he stared at the stonework under his feet, begging himself not to be such a damn kid. But by the time he'd managed to pull himself together and look back up, Levi's eyes were already back on his task.

"I'm sorry to bother you, sir," he started, shifting the box in his hands a moment, following the pen in Levi's hand rather than be forced to look directly at him. "But I have brought you a gift."

The pen paused momentarily in its motions and Eren didn't allow himself to contemplate what exactly that meant. Instead, he moved forward to set the box on the edge of Levi's desk. Levi had resumed his writing and didn't acknowledge the offering at all. The room was absolutely silent and Eren thought he'd better either leave, even without being dismissed, or start some kind of explanation – and neither really seemed like a very good option so he ended up frozen in place, unsure what to do.

"Cinnamon," Levi murmured, his voice sounding almost pleased – or at least as pleased as Eren had ever heard – and a small amount of relief rushed through Eren's body then. At least he had a talking point – even if Levi didn't look up at him.

"And tea," Eren started, but didn't get much further before Levi spoke again.

"Why?"

The dry mouth was back, but this time accompanied by maddening butterflies as words began to fall stupidly from Eren's mouth.

"Well, it's Christmas, you know, and your birthday, and –" Here he was interrupted by Hanji's name cursed under Levi's breath but Eren was too far into his rambling to stop. "– and traditionally, well, as I'm sure you know, traditionally gifts would be given, in instances like that, so really, it's kind of, a two in one, you know, and so I'm sorry, if you find it lacking, but I..."

Eren felt like melting into the floor, hoping that Levi wasn't really paying much attention to whatever it was he'd just said because even if he didn't know specifically what words left his mouth, he was sure they were stupid and embarrassing and the drawn out silence from Levi didn't help either.

"No," Levi finally said, setting down the pen and look him directly in the eye. "What I meant was – why would you do this for me? I assume you have not presented such gifts to Hanji and Erwin."

"No, sir," Eren answered automatically, kicking himself and wishing he had prepared some kind of response to the rest of the question before saying anything. "I – I... You just never receive gifts."

Levi's eyes narrowed and Eren had never felt more closely scrutinized by him. It was like torture but then he was a member of the Survey Corps and he knew hell and so he stood his ground and pretended this was life or death, managing not to look down or display the extreme level of embarrassment he was currently facing.

"I know of no one in this division who habitually receives gifts," Levi stated and at that point Eren felt sure anything Levi said was worded specifically just to make him look like more of an ass.

"No sir," Eren answered again. "But you deserve it, sir."

Levi tilted his head a little and Eren felt himself blush. He couldn't help it. He begged himself to stop, to calm down, not to do this, not now, but it was too late. He felt the blush creeping from his neck up into his face and he was sure he had never felt more mortified in his entire life. This was worse than facing titans. This might even be worse than death.

"Deserve it...?" Levi questioned, finally allowing Eren a precious moment to regroup as he dropped his eyes to the box, fingering the carefully tied bow a moment.

Eren watched in fear, hoping he wouldn't just slide the whole thing off his desk into the trash can. He didn't think Levi would be the type to waste any resource that way, let alone tea, but then he couldn't be sure. If Levi wanted to make a point, wanted to show him that he shouldn't place one team member's wants or feelings above another's, then maybe... Maybe he would.

"You know Eren," Levi started, almost casually, throwing Eren off a moment, uncertain of his intention after how serious he was being. "There is something else you could do for me."

He stared, uncertain, watching the careful way Levi watched him and not being sure exactly what to think of it. But then, there was really only one answer to that question – and it was only one word.

"Anything."

Levi seemed surprisingly disgruntled by the quick answer and he frowned a little, crossing his arms across his desk. "But only if you want."

Eren simply nodded, unable to imagine that there was anything his Captain would ask of him that he would not willingly do. Even if it involved the words 'deep cleaning' – if it were a gift or a favor for Levi, then he would be happy to do it.

Levi motioned him forward and when Eren stepped towards his desk, he stood. With one finger he motioned to the desk and commanded him to sit and Eren did so, nerves on fire, resting gently on the edge of his desk, careful not to disrupt anything, all so that Levi could look down at him. If he thought his heart was pounding before, he was sure he was about to go into cardiac arrest at any moment now. Looking up into Levi's eyes like this, so close like this, where he could just lean down and –

And Levi's hand was suddenly on his face, his thumb placed on his chin, just under the center of his lip. It felt warm and gentle despite how many titans it had killed and Eren was surprised. Surprised by his touch, by his kindness, by the fact that his heart was still beating at all, though he could hear it pounding with the rushing of his own blood in his ears.

"This thing," Levi murmured, tilting Eren's head up so that he could only see him through half-lidded eyes and he knew – suddenly Eren just _knew_ what was about to happen but still Levi asked. "You have never done it?"

The ever so slight shake of Eren's head was his only answer and Levi paused, cautious, but Eren didn't want that. He wanted _this_ – wanted Levi's kiss – and so he closed his eyes, the only way he knew to ask for it.

And then, gently, so gently Levi's lips pressed against his own, warm, and soft, and Eren couldn't be sure if they tasted of cinnamon or if it was the scent of tea he'd brought but it was wonderful – so wonderful. More wonderful in his mind than it was really, in reality, because it was his first kiss and he didn't know what to expect but that wasn't really what was wonderful about it. It was wonderful that Levi had wanted to kiss him, too, and that he did it, that he acted on that want because Eren never could've initiated this.

But when Levi's tongue met his lips he gasped at the jolt of electricity that moved down his spine in an instant, opening his mouth wider, demanding more of that delicious sensation. And he realized then that wonderful couldn't even begin to describe _this_.

He wanted heat and he wanted passion and he wanted to fulfill this burning ache inside him that awoke as Levi kissed him, that overwhelmed him, that filled him with fire and he clenched his fists to fight from burying them in Levi's hair and pulling him forward. He wanted to be connected to him in every way, even though he didn't exactly know what that meant. He only knew he wanted _more_.

But Levi separated from him then, leaving him flushed and doe-eyed as he stared at his Captain, silently asking what had made him stop. Did it not feel good, too? Was his inexperience that obvious? Was he that bad? Levi sat back at his desk, making an irritated 'shooing' motion with his hand to get Eren off his desk.

"You're dismissed," he said, turning his eyes back to his work, leaving Eren frustrated and confused but he knew he couldn't say anything more. Not after having been dismissed. So he did the only thing he could do. He turned and he left.

And he stood outside Levi's office, breathing heavily, falling against the cool stone walls and trying to calm his overheated body. What was that? Why did he kiss him just to dismiss him a moment later? Why did everything have to be a question with Levi?

Silently, he turned to glance back into Levi's office, hardly able to see him without making himself obvious but he had to know, had to see if he was just as impassive as he ever was after something that Eren had felt was so... so amazing, so impossible, so overwhelming.

And it did appear that Levi hadn't at all been affected by the kiss. He was sitting there just as he had been, pen moving across paper, scratching just like before. But then Eren caught it, just as he moved to lift his pen to the ink, his eyes had drifted to the little box of tea, and it happened so fast that to an ordinary observer it may not have happened at all. Yet to Eren, it may as well have been eternity, because it was the only thing he wanted – even more than he had wanted to kiss Levi – as in that brief and fleeting moment, Levi smiled.


End file.
